my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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