The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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