theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I want to fling myself into the sun
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize