What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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