This is not my ceiling
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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