You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
