i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
