I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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