I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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