3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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