I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
