clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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