I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Drake has all the answers
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
