We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
