cat food counts as protein by the way
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
