U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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