Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
