dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
