And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
