Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
