My sheets look like a crime scene.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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