my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
