I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
