Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
