I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
