i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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