shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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