Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
