That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
