Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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