why didn't you poke me back
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
