Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize