Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize