Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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