I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
