i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
