It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize