i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
