i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
