Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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