Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
