quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
