we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
