I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
