after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
