I like to think it a success when the cops are called
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
