I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
