i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
