your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
