official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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