I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What drink are we having for lunch?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
