there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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