We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
