So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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