My brain says no but my pants say off.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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