she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
