i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
