i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
