Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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