we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize