Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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